As humans, we don’t always see situations from all perspectives, which can be disastrous in dating. Over the years, I’ve watched relationships flourish and fail throughout high school and college, most coming to an end when one person simply becomes fed up with the other. Though it’s easy for you to see red flags in a blooming relationship that isn’t your own, people are often blind-sided when it comes to their own dates. I’ve noticed 5 major red flags that are often ignored, or simply go unseen by myself and female friends.
1. He makes too many commitments too early.
Most people would agree that half the fun of dating is the early stages-the chase, the wooing, learning about each other, etc. Many women are cautioned against being too ‘clingy’ or expressing all their feelings too early on, resulting in the relationship moving ‘too fast’. While what speed a relationship is supposed to move at is entirely up to the individual, men (and women) who rush to jump into commitment are usually bad news. Why not say the hell with it and confess your undying love and move in together in the first month of dating? Because the bottom line is you probably don’t know each other well enough at all, and frankly its not usually safe to make commitments early on. If a guy you just started dating is professing his love and saying that he’ll come visit you every weekend from his 5 hour away college within the first month, he probably has commitment issues, and you may be guilted into feeling obligated to continue the relationship. This isn’t necessarily a break-up-with-him-now red flag, but something to consider when deciding on a relationship.
2. Your friends don’t like to hang out with him.
We all know the red flag of your-friends-hate-him or he-hates-your-friends, but what if your friends just don’t want to hang around with him? Despite the sisterhood of tell-your-BFF-everything, many women don’t follow it in some situations, and with good reason. Can you imagine telling your friend, who is totally head over heels for her boy, that you think he’s scummy? Yes, some brave women will do this and risk the awkwardness and even loss of friendship, however many won’t. But don’t think your girl will do anything more than listen to you talk about him-if she doesn’t like HIM, as a person, then she isn’t going to want to hang out with him. Your friends will always be able to see problems that you can’t because of your position, so its important to at least hear them out. If you notice your friends shying away from double dates, or telling you they want to keep it as a friend get-together, take heed and ask them about it. Calmly talking to your friend and asking if she doesn’t like your boyfriend will prompt her to open up and explain why she isn’t down with him.
3. He always changes your date plans to his date plans
This one can be tricky, as you may not notice it at first. Imagine making date plans, you mention that you want to eat at a nice vegetarian place and see a new comedy at the theatre after. A day before the date, he calls and mentions another restaurant would be better, and that he’d rather stay in and watch a movie. No big deal, since it was just a casual date. But then it happens again and again, until every time you plan and outing he changes it to something else. Not only is this a big sign that he’s going to disregard your wants and needs in the future, but it shows that he’s more focused on himself in the relationship.This can be a big deal breaker if he refuses to acknowledge or change this. If you notice your guy doing this, he may not mean it and if you confront him he may stop. If he refuses to go on your dates and only wants his, it may be time to look a the relationship as a whole and see if there are other problems.
4. He insists that he isn’t ‘like other guys’
Like Clinton insisting he didn’t have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, saying something doesn’t make it true. Men who insist that they are nice guys, or different from the stereotype, are usually saying it more for themselves than for you. True, their intentions are probably good and they honestly are (or want to be) better guys, however there’s bits to look out for when a man says this. If he says this unprompted, you have to wonder why he is making such a point of it. Is it because in the past he has been a jerk and is afraid it’s easily noticed? Is he dead-set on proving to the world he’s better than other people? Him saying he is not like other guys, in the right context, can be okay. However someone who insists on it, and makes a point to let you and the world know it, has deeper issues regarding his personality and place in relationships.
5. You don’t connect, or feel like dating him is the wrong choice
Myself, and many people, believe that humans (women especially) are gifted with a sixth sense of intuition. That gut feeling you can’t explain, or the voice in the back of your head, telling you something isn’t right. Many people often ignore this feeling as its not backed by logical thinking or doesn’t make sense, however new studies show that these feelings may be worth paying attention to. If you aren’t connecting with the person on a deeper level (even from the start, a shared connection of comfort is important) or consistently feel that you aren’t right for each other, pay attention to it! Whether its details your sub conscience is picking up on, or a nagging warning you can’t quite put together, it probably isn’t going to get better or simply go away. Why put yourself through the unhappiness of being with someone who you don’t feel 100% comfortable or sure around? It’s stressful to constantly have doubts about your own relationship, so heed your intuition and assess your situation. You may discover a red flag you had been ignoring, or simply decide that you don’t connect with him. Whatever the case, don’t dismiss these feelings.
Have a rare red flag you want to discuss? Leave a comment!
Please note that there are variables and exceptions to all these situations. Don’t take them too seriously-they’re just things to consider.
Social networking is becoming huge-from Myspace, to Facebook, and now to Twitter. No matter how young or old, social media provides a way to connect with friends, family, and even strangers. One that seems to break way from the pack of tools like Friendster and Facebook is Twitter-a networking tool using only ’status updates’ as a means of communication rather than a personal page with a profile, pictures, and weblog.
I have personally noticed that people generally have 1 of 3 feelings about Twitter: A) They love it and find it useful and/or fun, B) They don’t know much about it/don’t care to or C) They think it is stupid/useless.
Let me start off by saying that I don’t think everyone should have a Twitter. It’s a very specific tool that doesn’t meet everyone’s ’social media needs’ i.e. pictures, weblogs, etc. However, I notice a lot of people simply disregard the tool under false pretenses. Often when bringing up Twitter, I am met with the following arguments:
“All people use Twitter for is to post about what they had for breakfast!”
I’m not sure where this cliche came from, but it’s not always true. Yes, there are people out there who will tweet “having an egg Mcmuffin!” every morning, however you get the same thing on Facebook from the same type of person. I choose not to follow people who have nothing better to talk about than their food. Simply put-if you follow people you find interesting and intelligent, they will tweet interesting and intelligent things.
“None of my friends are on it.”
Yes, this is unfortunately a legitimate problem with some people because Twitter is not as big in some age and social groups. However, there are a plethora of celebrities, news sites, humor writers, informational, and entertaining Twitters to follow which I will touch on later in this entry. Plus, once you’re on there it gives others motivation to sign up also.
“What would I even tweet about?”
That’s what I first asked myself when getting a Twitter. You’d be surprised how much you actually have to tweet about. Assuming you’re a social person who has interests, you’ll find yourself tweeting often. Links to interesting or helpful websites, questions, quotes, etc. are all common and I usually like to throw one or two out a day. It comes in handy when you have a question, want to promote an idea or website, or want to simply share something.
So why use Twitter?
Networking:
For instance, I have other humor bloggers following my twitter that they got from my humor blog. Following them allows me to see when they post new blogs, enter contests, and spread the word on writing opportunities. By them following me, I have can promote my blog entries, and in some cases they will re-post (re-tweet) them for all their followers to see. Simple and effective.
Advertising:
Similar to networking, however more of a one-way street. Bloggers, Youtube celebs, and simply interesting or funny people can get a huge amount of followers by word-of-mouth, re-tweets, and from websites. For instance, the popular user Shitmydadsays has over 800,000 followers and only posts funny quotes from his elderly father. If the user wanted to promote his website, he could instantly send out the URL on his tweets to 800,000 people. See how easy that is? No, you may not be able to get 800,000 followers, but even 20, 50, or 100 followers helps in advertising.
Keeping Up with Trends and News:
Probably the most important aspect of Twitter. Because of the millions of people on Twitter, it is essentially one of the top news and event communicators around. Because it offers a simple and quick way to spread information, any Average Joe with a phone can instantly be made of aware of breaking news, whether from a news site, friend, or celebrity. Its also very easy to choose what updates you want and don’t want. Fox, MSNBC, CNN, and every other major (and many minor) news networks have Twitters that update with breaking news on regular basis. For me, Twitter is the most convenient, easiest, and fastest way for me to get my news when it happens.
Brief Communication and Quick Questions:
I can’t count how many times I’ve been lost and needed directions to somewhere. My phone doesn’t have internet access on it, however I can receive tweets to my phone. All I do is send out “Anyone know where the Starbucks is at the Biltmore?” and I get an answer back within minutes. It’s also handy if you throw parties, get-togethers, or want some company at a bar or coffee shop. Instead of calling multiple people, sending out mass texts, or getting on Facebook, you can send out a quick message detailing time and place, and everyone who is following you will receive the tweet immediately.
Still don’t think Twitter is for you? That’s okay, it’s certainly not for everyone. However, don’t disregard the many uses it does have that other social media sites do not.
Have a question about Twitter? Hate Twitter with a fiery passion? Want to add some other uses? Add a comment for me to see!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from working in retail, its that there are a heck of a lot of inconsiderate people in the world. No really-I try my hardest to see the good in everyone, to assume that any rude gesture is the result of that person having a bad day and they don’t really mean it…but boy, working in retail makes that point of view hard.
People who work in retail generally have no control over anything. Really. Let’s take a look at the most common things customers complain about, and why the average worker bee can’t fix this, and what you can do instead of making a fuss to a 16 year old high-schooler behind the counter.
You Think The Return Policy Is Unfair
Please remember that wherever you shop, you are provided with a receipt. If you don’t save your receipt, that is your fault, not the stores. They let you come in, pull things off the shelves, and try out items and the only responsibility the store gives you is to save your receipt. One thing. That’s all. If you can’t do that, sorry sweetie, but you’re an idiot. Now that we have that covered…
If you are dissatisfied with a product, its broken, its not what you want…whatever, most stores allow you to bring it back. But there’s thing called…final sale. Final sale are for items that are seasonal, on sale, or are unsanitary to return. There’s also this thing called a guarantee, and that only lasts for so long under so many conditions. If you bring back and open pair of panties after 140 days of purchase, no, it will not be accepted back, because that is shady and gross. There is no store in the world that does not have their return policy either forcefully given to you (on a receipt, usually) or displayed at the store. It is YOUR responsibility, not anyone else’s, to read and understand that policy. Think its unfair? Then don’t shop there. Simple as that. You know who decides return policies? Corporates heads. Not the 16 year old cashier at the super market, not the 20-something college student selling clothes at the mall. They have no control over the return policy and NO they will not make an exception for you. Would you risk your job over some customer who didn’t bother to learn the return policy? No, you wouldn’t, so don’t expect anyone else to.
Bottom line: Read the return policy, save your receipt, follow the guidelines when making a return.
You Are Offended By a Product Being Sold:
Believe it or not, there is an insane amount of people who think it is appropriate to yell at store employees about the items being sold. Whether its a shirt with a sexual innuendo, a skanky looking dress, something religious based, or even signs hanging in the store. Once again, unless it is a family owned business with no outside employees, the people working there have absolutely no control over what is being sold or displayed in the store. It is completely inappropriate to yell at them or criticize them for what is being marketed. They literally cannot change it. Their obligation to the store is to sell what is handed to them. What can you do if you are offended by something in the store? You can politely talk to customer service, who will then either advise their superiors (if they’re a small enough chain that allows them to do that) or give you contact information to contact corporate about it.
Bottom Line: Employees have no control over what is being sold. Contact corporate if you are offended.
The Store Doesn’t Offer The Service You Want
Layaway, senior discounts, bulk discounts, special orders, those automatic carts you can sit in, price matching…some stores are able to offer these, some aren’t. The store you’re shopping at doesn’t offer this and you want it? Too bad. Yes, it sucks, but I guarantee its for good reason. Fry’s Electronics doesn’t offer automatic carts because their aisles are too small to accommodate them. Target doesn’t offer bulk discounts because they aren’t Costco and can’t afford that. Most stores won’t price match that shady online website’s price because it’s probably a scam website. Stores are not just there to convenience you- they are a business. They are run by a group of people who want to provide these goods and services to you, but can’t do it in every situation. They have to make adjustments and nix certain services because they hinder the business. When you tell the cashier you want to do a layaway on six chairs and they said they don’t offer that, don’t yell at them. It’s store policy put in place for a reason. If you truly have a problem with it, write to corporate.
Bottom line: Services are a privilege, not a right. Not all stores have them, for good reason.
The Employee Is Not Giving You Special Treatment/Helping You Exclusively/Spending Half An Hour Helping You:
This may come as a shock to you, but you are not the only customer. You are not the only thing in the entire store that needs assistance. Retail workers generally have 4 to 5 different obligations and jobs to finish at any given time. Yes, the customer is the priority, however that doesn’t mean they can drop everything to help you pick out shoes for your kid’s birthday party. Yes, most places will provide you with 5-10 minutes of exclusive help, however anything beyond that becomes incredibly difficult.
When you go shopping, you either A)know exactly what you want, B)have a vague idea of what you need or C)having nothing in particular you’re looking for. In the case of A, it is totally appropriate to ask an employee where the item is, the cost, return policy, etc. In the case of B or C, it is totally appropriate to have the employee recommend you some good items. It is not appropriate to get mad or demand that the employee stays with you and acts as your personal shopper (unless of course that is their job title and duty). Employees are not your personal workers and you are certainly not their only duty. If an employee has a line of customers, and you are ho-huming over which boots to buy, yes the employee is going to say “I have some people I need to attend to, but if you have a question about our store or the product or are ready to check out, please wave me over.”
Bottom line: You are not the queen of the store, employees are not there for you. Be mature and shop for yourself.
You Think The Employee Is Lying To You:
Yes, there are instances where an employee is an lazy and says something is out of stock when really they just don’t want to go to the back and get it. But honestly, this is rarely the case and its very easy to tell when it is. If you think this is the case, simply ask them to go check in the back to be sure. However if they are at a computer, physically checking the stock in the inventory, or have a PDA that shows that it is out of stock, they are not lying. It is idiotic to watch an employee check the stock on their computer, and then ask them to check in the back. They work in that store 8 hours a day, they know how things work.
Another thing customers seem to think employees lie about are policies. The bottom line is, lying about a store policy can you get fired on the spot, so its incredibly rare. Its also very difficult to lie about store policy, as almost all of it is always open to the public and displayed everywhere (with the exception of internal policy which does not pertain to customers). When an employee says, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do for you in this situation’, they are telling the truth. Why would they lie? To piss you off so you tell their manager? No. Just because you don’t get your way doesn’t mean you’re right and they’re wrong and liars. Be mature and accept that things don’t always go your way.
Bottom line: Be smart about accusing an employee of not telling the truth. Chances are the truth is very easy to prove.
Don’t Be Surprised When Employees Act Human:
Contrary to what the Jetson’s predicted, employees are not robots, but rather human. They talk, have feelings, make decisions, and above all work hard (in most cases). Don’t be surprised that if you yell, curse, or are rude to an employee they are going to ask you to leave the store or tell you that you are being inappropriate. They are not your punching bags for when something goes wrong or you are unhappy, they are human beings who deserve respect. Do not walk into stores thinking that the employees are out to scam you and make your shopping experience horrible-they are doing their job, which is to help you and maintain the store. Being rude, inconsiderate, or downright mean is not going to get you what you want if it is simply not feasible. Cursing, yelling, or being violent (it happens) with an employee is going to get you banned from the store, and maybe some harassment charges.
Bottom line: Don’t be a jerk. Treat people with respect.
Have something you want to add? Let the world know by leaving a comment!
A while back, abortion doctor George Tiller was murdered for performing late term abortions. It was only today that his murderer, Scott Roeder, 51, of Kansas City confessed to the killing, with no regrets.
Dr. Tiller was one of the only abortion doctors in the US who performed third trimester abortions. Third trimester abortions are illegal in the US, however he was given the okay to perform them for women who were in great danger of dieing during the birth and had opted to abort instead. He also performed regular first trimester abortions (legal in all the US) and second trimester abortions (legal in only a few states).
Though our nation is divided on the pro-choice, pro-life issue, it is obvious to many of us on both sides that violence is not the answer. Roeder claims that “Violence is not wrong in all situations, so if it takes that — then if it is done righteously — then, if it’s done, it is OK,” However, when the murder occurred there were many pro-lifers voicing their opinions that this was not an okay way to get their point across.
While some may say that Dr. Tiller was an evil man who did not deserve life, I disagree. He performed his duty as a doctor, that frankly was essential. Women who need third trimester abortions often do not know they are in danger until their third trimester. Yes, it is their choice to either die in the birth (at which time usually the baby dies also, it is not always a trade-off situation) or live to try conception again, however can you really criticize a mother for making the choice to live? It is no easy feat, obviously. It’s a load of emotional and mental struggles that lead up to this decision, and surely no mother wants to have to choose. Dr. Tiller was helping women in these terrible situations-and now there is reportedly only a few doctors left able to perform these late abortions.
It is truly a terrible event for both pro-choicers and pro-lifers. To lose someone so valuable to the medical community, by the hand of someone who says they support life, is tragic.
Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California beauty pageant winner, has had her ups and down this year-well, no ups really. When answering a question posed by Perez Hilton at a beauty pageant concerning gay marriage, she answered that she believed marriage was between a man and a woman only. From there, she lost the pageant, was de-crowned (for reasons no pertaining to her beliefs) and has had her most intimate secrets revealed; from getting implants to private family matters.
Does she deserve it all for speaking out against gay marriage? That’s your opinion. Personally, I find more trouble in her trying to become a crusader for ‘marriage’ when she really has no place. She’s brought insult to the beauty pageant lifestyle, and in my opinion has just reinforced the stereotype that all pretty pageant queens are dumb, ignorant, and immature (not just for her beliefs, but how she has handled herself since).
What gets me, is that recently it has been confirmed that she has an explicit sex tape in existence. No big deal, what minor celebrity doesn’t have a back-up cry for attention if their career goes to hell? The thing is-when her church was confronted with the ordeal, instead of naming her a “sinner” like they do to…oh, everyone else who has premarital sex, she is forgiven and welcome back with open arms.
Pastor Darren Carrington from the Rock Church in San Diego has said, “”Everyone is a work in progress…everyone has something we’re not proud of.” Despite her numerous sexual “sins” such as baring her breasts for a photographer (I will not link to these as it is rumored she is a minor in the pictures), and engaging in pre-marital sex on camera, the church has decided to forgive her without a single bad word. Why? Oh…I’m just going to take a guess here and say its because of all the attention and $$$ she has brought to the church’s fight to “protect” marriage.
So I guess double standards are okay when its convenient the church, and all sins are forgiven in the eyes of pastors who are only out for their own selfish goals God…as long as you’re sleeping with someone of the opposite sex.
UPDATE: Reports are surfacing that Prejean has not 1, but 8 sex tapes.
With 4 chart topping hit songs, an undeniably unique sense of fashion, and more TV appearances than you can shake a stick at, musical artist Lady Gaga has become a household name. Some love her, and some hate her, but its impossible to avoid her. Known for her skimpy pants-less outfits and raunchy songs, Lady Gaga is making an impression on the musical industry and the youth. Is it a good thing, or is she promoting what some view to be a bad life style?
Though her songs and music videos usually depict lyrics and images of sex, lust, and risque activities, I don’t believe she is glorifying any of it-in fact, the presence of sex is made so casual that she turns it into what sex has become to much of today’s youth- a natural and common act.
The songs Just Dance and Love Game are both about being young, partying, and engaging in no-strings-attached sex. Some may say that by broadcasting casual sex in such a manner is glorifying it-but I disagree. A large portion of teens between ages 15 and 20 engage in casual sex, and while many people choose to ignore it or condone it, there are few who give comfort to teens (especially young girls) and educate them on casual sex. Lady Gaga comes forth in her songs and talks about -gasp- actually enjoying sex! Casual sex is something that is simply not going to go away, no matter how much education or punishment is put toward it. Though artists like Kanye West and other rappers talk about having casual sex, it is all from a male point of view, sometimes referring to women in their songs as “easy” or “hoes”. To have a white, young, female artist come forward and say, “I have casual sex, and so do you” is incredibly empowering to today’s female youth, and sends a strong message that they are not alone in their decisions.
Aside from her music, Lady Gaga has been blasted for her fashion choices, being called everything from “eccentric” to “ridiculous” to “slutty”. Her signature look of a leotard, fishnet or opaque stockings, boots, and sunglasses have made many deem her as a hooker-look-alike. The internet gossips sites were a-buzz when she was seen wearing tape over her nipples under a sheer t-shirt, however fellow singer Rihanna was called fashionable when she did the same. Lady Gaga has said that she embraces her body, and has never had any plastic surgery done to change her features. She’s appeared semi-nude in magazines, however not once has her nudity been the focus of an image. She wears leotards or bikini bottoms in public and is called “whoreish”, while Beyonce and Britney Spears wear the same, if not raunchier, outfits on stage and no one blinks an eyelash.
So, is Lady Gaga a good role model? My answer is yes. She isn’t posing in playboy like The Hills star Heidi Montag, or wearing booty shorts and pole dancing at age 16 like Miley Cyrus. She isn’t singing about blaming obvious rape on alcohol like artist Jamie Foxx. Lady Gaga hasn’t been seen leaving a night club completely intoxicated, or snorting coke in the back of a bathroom, or committing adultery.
She is writing her own songs, performing her shows, and experimenting with fashion. Last I checked-isn’t that what most parent’s encourage their children to do? Find their own style, work with their talents, and do what they love?
What do you think? Is Lady Gaga a good role model?
